Turning Away

There's just a lot of stories to tell but a limited time to do it, so many feelings to express yet so little courage to write. Today, I had deleted the shadows of my past in this blog. I had to start anew, celebrate a love I will always have. Perhaps the past may not be forgotten totally but it will just be a memory less remembered. There's a lot of people to thank for because of what I am and what I have right now. I will remain strong and I will forever cherish the people that I have in my life. Perhaps, turning my back away from the past is not a bad idea after all for what I have and what I am is far much better than what I was way back then. The past is like a thief in the night. There are times that I remember it but somehow, it makes me smile. At times,I remember how I had been. Pretty stupid but yet, I learned from that stupidity. However, that stupidity saved me from a lifetime misery, I guess. Now, I must say that perhaps being stupid for once was the best thing that ever happened to me. For that was the time when I met someone I never knew would give me love, I never asked for. Well, it is true then! We always turn our back from the past because we look forward to something better. My heart goes to the person who made me forget the pain of loving, the person who made me realize that there's no harm in trying again, the person who makes me smile even in my deepest sorrow, the person who makes my heart beat like there's no tomorrow, the person who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I will forever be grateful for having you, RLRB...♥♥♥

Happy @ 24

10-03-2011 – it’s about time to add a year more to my age glass. I am leaving the 23rd line and I will be crossing the 24th lap. Turning 24 is something ordinary to every person but somehow, mine was a bit special. Indeed, this year is a lot of firsts for me. My 24th birthday is my first time to celebrate a birthday with someone dear. I was excited and at the same time afraid that I may set too many expectations inside my heart. And to be honest, at first I was disappointed. It was because I wanted to live in a world of fairy tales. That when the clock struck 12, someone will tell me Happy Birthday and I wanted it to be him. I’d like to live like a princess for just this day. But then, I realized, that’s way too much. A birthday is special because you had grown a year more and you have another year, another opportunity to spend your time with the people you love. At the end of the day, I still have my heart rejoice in happiness. Another first for me, It’s my first time to receive flowers on my birthday. And to add to that, it was from someone special. It doesn’t matter how many gifts you receive, after all, it’s the thought that counts. I thank everyone who sent their greetings, I’m really glad you remembered. To my highschool buddies, thanks a lot…I thought time and distance made you forget, thanks to Facebook for the reminders… Thank you as well to my aunt, who sent fruits all the way from Dapitan, my sisters who prepared the food from Dapitan with love. Also, to the one who gave me that basket full of flowers, daghgang salamat…You really made my day a very special one. You just don’t know how happy I was… maski pa kung santan lng to, sobrang Ok ra jud…And, thank you for everything… And I just had a wonderful 24th Birthday…

Huling Hirit Sa Tag-Init

06.11.2011-a sunny day greet us as we go on a long trip to Bantayan Island...3hours of sitting in a bus and more than an hour ride with the sea breeze...more than 4hour far but not tiring at all because I was sitting next to you...It's but a weekend spent so wisely and a moment worth keeping...♥Fun is an understatement...Having spent my weekend with you is magical...I can't thank you enough for everything...Thank You RLRB...♥

A Romantic Sinulog 2011

01-17-2011--Perhaps, a lot of people were exhausted because the weather did not cooperate with the people's desire to rock Sinulog 2011..As for,despite the pouring rain, I say "present"... If my memory serves me well, it was about 2 years ago, Sinulog 2009, when we went out together. We were good friends then and I miss having you around during occasions like this. But for this year, not anymore..I wouldn't miss those times because...you were with me...you and me, together we walk along the dirty pavements and we journeyed around the noisy streets...it just feels so good to walk around with someone holding your hand..Sinulog will never be this memorable if I didn't spend it with you.. ♥

Just Another Lonely Christmas..♥

12-23-2010 -- It would really be nice if you can spend Christmas with someone you love. But, here I am,spending the rest of my afternoon lying in my bed, reminiscing the memories that we had. What else can be more painful than missing you? And to make it worst, I haven't sensed any sign of life from you. At times, there are things that are beyond our level of understanding. And we just need an explanation. I'm not sure as to why I'm feeling this way, but I just feel so consumed with the sadness inside my heart. Christmas is supposedly a season of merry making. But look at me, I'm at a corner, in tears and in sadness because I am missing you. But the question is, "are you missing me too?" -- maybe not at all -- because you are with somebody -- nah..nah...I don't need these speculations as of this time..Yep, I just heard myself right.. Even if the truth is on parade in front of your face, you still ignore it because love is thicker than reality. But, how far will I go to make this love come true? How much pain will it take me to take us into forever? How much will I sacrifice to have you until the end of time? How long will I wait until I have you completely? Or should I ask.."is there any reason for me to ask all these "hows"?... I just don't understand anymore..I don't even know if I can afford to lose this time. I don't know if this is even worth it. I am happy, yes I am -- genuinely happy! How about you, are you really happy? Or this is just another story of make believe and pretensions? I don't understand anymore. I don't wanna assume and I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. The answers are all in you.. I think, I had given you too much time and I think it was already more than enough. It's about time to figure out everything. I just can't afford to hurt somebody.. But at the end of the day..I still say -- only time can tell if this is meant to be..♥

A Walk To Remember

11-16-2010 -- The weather seem so fine and time runs still...when I'm with you, everything seems to be in its proper places. Helding me close to your arms, locking my hands in yours, it makes me feel so secured. I may never say it loud but being with you is like dancing in the rain, it's joy beyond compare, and I always pray that the rain may never stop. In a fine sunday evening, decorated with the lights of the city, freshened by the cool breeze of the sea, we sailed to the other side of the island, Lapu-lapu City. To other people, it's nothing but normal. To others, it's nothing but ordinary. But to us, it's something that's worth remembering. On board of that sea voyager, you held your hands in mine as together we watched the beauty of nature display its incomparable beauty to our eyes. Sitting there next to you as we watched heaven spread it stars, together with the evening lights of the city was but romantic. We went on a walk, a walk I wished would never end. That was one memorable walk in my life, thanks you so much! It may be as simple as a strolling in the city but to me, it was but happiness. We held hands as we walk, we shared smiles and talks. We shared laughs and joys, and it makes it perfect. For you and I are together and nothing can be so much sweeter. How I wish the evening won't end, even if I have to go on walking until the streets end. Nothing compares to that feeling of being with you. I love the person that I am when I'm with you. You and me, it may seem a fairy tale, but let's write our own story. I am not Cinderella and you are not any prince charming and our story is not any story story books tell. Let's make this right, and write our own ever after and I will love to take another walk with you again...

I Found the Answers to my Questions..

11-05-2010 -- Things seem too complicated that people tend to ask a lot of questions which will only make things complicated. At times, it needs not for us to ask because the answers are quite obvious. But women, by the nature of our genes, we always want to have verbal confirmation. There are things that are better left unsaid. But at times, we also tend to misinterpret things. We thought that was it, but it wasn't. We though we were inlove, but it was just infatuation. We thought he is into us, but he was into someone else. But to me, what I have right now is more than enough to me. It's just enough. You might not know it, but I appreciate the things that you do. I may throw it like a joke, but I very much appreciate it. You might not know it, but I think of you before I sleep. I wanna hold you and never let you go. I wanna fight for you, even I don't have any right. I wanna stand beside you, even if you don't want me to. I wanna hold your hand and be your shoulder to lean on. I wanna be the one that you love and I wanna love you till the last star stands. But, I don't want to show these feelings because I'm afraid. i'm afraid that I might fall, I'm afraid that you'll just break my heart. I'm afraid that you'll leave me astray. I'm entrusting my heart to you, please don't break it. What we have right now, is what matters most to me. But I'll just ask one favor from you, if a time will come that you will leave me, not that I'm expecting it, break it to me gently and slowly let me go.. But my questions were just answered, and yes, I will stay...

The Sad Story of the Line and the Asymptotic Curve

11-04-2010 -- There are times in our lives wherein there is something or someone we want but it's just not meant to be. There are moments when things aren't just for us. It's sad, it hurts but there's nothing that we can do with it. It is what is destined. This can be made similar to the story of the line and the asymptotic curve. Just like us...I was a line and you were a curve. I wish to intersect one of your points but how can I tangent you when you are asymptotic? Perhaps, if these two can say something what do you think will they say? I bet these are what they will say: Line: You know what, I love you, I just can't tell. Curve: Me too, I love you more than you'd ever know.. Line: So? Curve: But we can't be together. I really want to be with you but I just can't. All I can do is sit next to you until forever but I can never be with you. Line: What can I do to remove your asymptote away? Curve: Perhaps, we're just not meant to be. Just extend until infinity and maybe, somewhere down the plane, in the x or y axis, there's another curve waiting for you. Perhaps there's another curve who wants to be intersected by you. Line: But it's only you I want to intersect.. :( Curve: Just go, and never look back. Another curve deserves you better.. Line: I will go, but I will always think of you.. So they just sat together until they reached infinity. But the truth is, the line extended to infinity..ALONE.. Just like us, perhaps we can extend until infinity but we will never be together.. I want to sit next to you until the end of a lifetime, I can wait for time to come but the question is, am I waiting for something? Or I'll end up like the line, extending to infinity alone? I may not say it, but I'm just human, I get hurt too. I may not show it, but my heart is fragile too, it breaks so easily...so tell me, do you love me? and I will stay..

Should I Let These Balloons Go?

11-03-2010 -- I find it amusing to the eyes, this simple fellow, selling balloons..He holds on tight to the balloons, never letting the wind blew it away. To him, these balloons are his special possessions, and he does not want to let go of them. When you have something or someone dear, at times we just want to held them close and never let them go. At times, we just want to keep them for a lifetime. But I had learned that there are times that we need to let go of them, especially when they are no longer happy with us. I had learned that perhaps, there is pain in letting go but it happens for a reason. Goodbyes are not always sad, sometimes it's happy. At times, parting ways serves as an opening to a new horizon. Perhaps as well, the saying "if a door closes, a window will open" is true..There are circumstances wherein when a door closes, another door will open. Life is a constant change, same as men. At times, I think of holding you tight like a balloon and never let the wind drift you away. At times, I wanna held you close and never leave.At times, I want to dream that these stolen moments will never end. At times, I just wanna creep with time and drag those moments with you. But I can't. I can't control what will happen next, all I can do is the live the moment. I never expected that this will get this far, and I don't even know until when this will last. How I wish, this will last forever but only time can tell what is in store for us. I wanna be a thief of time, I wanna live in this stolen moments. But I don't want to stay like this forever, it doesn't feel good...and, what if, in the end, you'll just break me too? Now the question is..Would it be right for me to keep these balloons or will I just let these go?

Love With A Little Decency

11-02-2012 -- How can a mind overruled by the heart tell what's right and what's wrong? How can a wicked heart tell what is true and what is not? How can a person filled with mixed emotions tell what is proper and what is just? How can a heart filled with so much love tell what is ethical and what is decent... 11.01.10 - My righteous self was tested by fate and time. I went to church to pray for the souls of those who part, that they may reach the portals of never ending happiness. I went to church with someone dear. Sitting next to him, I just wanna forget the reality. On our way out, we passed by the portals of the Cebu Metropolitan Church. It was a cozy, little place and very conducive to relaxation. We sat like we were like the people on the other benches, I bet they were lovers. At that moment, I just wanna be by his side till the stars bursts its light and until the sun shines in the horizon. I just wanna feel the beat of his heart (even if I can't tell for whom it was), all I want to do is lay in his arms like a little baby. When emotions drift you away to its highest point, when the heart reaches its focal point, when feeling meet its mutual point, no one can ever tell what is real, what is true, what is right and what is just. We were in the midst of savouring our STOLEN MOMENTS, when the church guard approached us..."Maam, bawal magsandig2"...OMG, I was melting like ice and I know I was as red as hellboy at that time...but, composure dear...I smiled and sat properly...GREAT!!! Perhaps, the church guard was right... We were sitting in fronr of a holy place and maybe we were not decent enought to look at (or perhaps nagsuya2 lng si kuya guard)...but how would we know? Or maybe it was a wake-up call that it wasn't really just right...that everything is a fake...Emotions and a wicked heart should never alter the capacity og the brain to tell what is decent and what is right. There's a difference between truth, love, and decency. There are things that are decent but it's not the truth and it's not with love. There are times that the truth may not be decent and it may kill love. And love may not be decent but it will always be the truth. What is ours then? It's for you to tell which is which...

Stolen Moments...

11.01.10 -- There are times when you just can't think of anything else but be with the person who is making you smile. There are moments that you just want to drift away from reality and live in dreams for a moment. Sad but true, but there's a lot of times that we forget that our actions may cause someone else's grief. 10.30.10 - a day I will always remember and cherish in my memories for a lifetime. It was a long and tiring trip but it's as if every single moment spent with you was incomparable. I don't know if this is right or if this is just, all I know is it was a trip worth remembering. When one is blinded by rushing emotions and is drifted by the flow of love, perhaps, one can never be sane. All I could think of is that I'm happy being with you and that I will never let the chance of loving you again pass me by. I say again because I had lost the chance once. But, I seem to forget that loving you means someone else's grief. That every I spend with you is a spear stabbed against someone else's heart..The question then is..."will I let myself repeat what history has made?" Should I let go of the one I used to love? Should I let time drift you away from me?" Will it be worth it? What if I'll end up in tears again?...My answer was simple...I'll jsut forget all these damn questions...so what if I shed tears? I'll never let time drift you away.. Ill cherish every chance that destiny will give us..And I will never let the chance of loving you again pass me by...♥♥♥

Start of Something New...

10-30-2010 Six years ago, I was 16 and you were 17...we were young then, and we can't even share a smile. And six years after, here we are again. Destiny brought us together again, and I just don't wanna miss this chance. So many times had we been separated but we still end up on the same road. SOULMATES? Perhaps..But all I know is, I'd always want to be with you. I will always cherish the times that we are together. I had never known that I'll love this way again. You simply make me smile in your own simple ways..but I wouldn't forget that there are things that you need to finish off before we start anew (if ever you have a plan)..I'll wait for you to come up with a decision..no need to rush..Just ask, who knows I'll say yes.. Just remember that you will always have a part in my ♥..

The Friend That Was Not, The Friend That Is

Four years of not seeing each other, I bet I already had forgotten you. You were then a memory of my past, long forgotten. But destiny played games with us. Oh, thank you friendster for you made things possible. It was a long tale to tell but to cut the chase, the past linked to its present makes a reunion. Seeing you again was just but normal. Again, you weren't someone that important. Little did I know that the friend that we weren't before has become the friend that we are today. It was really easy for us to get along, perhaps old habits really feels right. In the end, we have to part ways for I had a love to cherish for somebody else and education to you is what's important. So then, we became the friend that was forgotten.

The Way It Started

I wanna remember that day when I met you. If my memory serves me well, that was about 8 years ago. Who would have thought that the strangers that we used to be would become a special love. I want to remember those times that you sent me letters but at that time, that didn't mean anything yet. February of 2005, that was when I get to know you a little more.You were then a mysterious person to me and a puzzle difficult to solve. I'm not sure if by then you were important or just a passerby that I rarely notice. All I know is that, that was the time God set for our roads to cross and I've never been this thankful for that day...